So yesterday was my first official day at my new job. I met some great people who asked me to lunch and then came the question..."So, where do you live?" and then the response, which sounded really lame and white trashy and a tad embarassing. I had just had an AHA moment in church on Sunday and was so content with being in this place for however long it took and then I had to say this to new friends. I shouldn't be ashamed or embarassed, but I kinda was because my whole life I have really been worried if people would like me...never thinking or assuming that they just WOULD. I hated going to that place of insecurity. Why do I care? Is it bad that my family lives in a camper? Does it make sense? I suddenly needed my people to surround me and lift me up. I wish my family had a real home. I really do. I went to bed early last night and threw my frustrations to God and asked for peace and understanding and patience. Apparently our house showed on Sunday and the people did not like it...they said it was outdated. At what point do we have to find an extra $1000 a month to live in a home that isn't even a good one? I just don't know. I wish things would just work out....I had faith that everything would just happen....but they didn't. Perhaps this is God once again showing me that he has his own schedule...and I have to let my own plans go. I dunno. Thoughts anyone? If you are reading this, please respond...I need to hear honest responses and thoughts to help me process all of these feelings.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
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8 comments:
Yes, I read this. :) I will send you a message to your inbox on facebook. Love ya! *Kara
You're never too old to be insecure, which I found out last year in a new job. You know God always answers our prayers, but maybe not how we want. Things will work out. Br thankful for a healthy family, you're all together (well, maybe a little too close right now!), you and Scott both have jobs. Do you really care about anyone who judges you because of a temporary living situation? I'm sure you've had all these thought, but just want to reiterate the. Can you feel the love?!
I would have had the exact same feelings and thoughts in your situation meeting new potential friends in a new place in a new situation. Exact same insecurities. And then I would have been ticked off at myself later for letting it affect me because we all know that people are people no matter the circumstances, we just don't act like it lots of times.
You have one of the largest tanks of resolve that I've ever known--you will do and then you'll come out on the other side, and you will be better. And, I know, the getting better part sucks; having such a blessedly large tank of resolve sucks; being unique in your ability to take on a challenge sucks. But the joy at the end is proportionate as well, and it will be yours.
P.S. I can't believe I forgot to include my motto: It's not where you start, it's where you finish.
I get the wanting everyone to like you... sadly, I think I feel that WAY too much at times. Think about when you called me on my birthday and said you were moving. You had no place to live - not even the RV - and you had no job. A few weeks ago you weren't sure how things would work out for Marcus for school, and now he has a great schedule and meeting people already. You didn't know if you'd get Payton in the same daycare, and they had a spot ready for her. Carsyn's school is nearby, and you don't even have to stress about after school care for her like many do. All of those things worked out that weren't in place when Scott took this job. One thing is left - house selling and renting/buying. I know it's the one that sticks out the most, because it costs the most $$ and sadly that's where our thoughts and emotions are focused more often than not. And I know you wanted the house sold, and it's not. But that is the only thing left on your whole list of things to happen for your new start. Talk to your realtor about options - lowering price, if there's something you could change that's not too costly, etc - to make it more marketable. Love u.
I know that selling the house is a huge obstacle right now. At the same time, you have to look at how many things HAVE fallen into place during this transition - Scott's business doing well, you getting a great job, Marcus' education, Payton getting back into daycare, moving closer to your friends and Jill again. It will happen...you just have to trust that. Love you!
Hi! So i know it's been a while, but i have been following your family's adventures on here!
While not quite the same situation, i definitely know what it feels like to have things not turn out like i thought they would and to have to wait...and wait...and wait. That's been the story of my life since returning from Poland! I love everyone's reminders of how the Lord has totally taken care of so many other details! When i get in the discontentment funk, it always helps me to stop and thank Him for all the things He has done and remember Philippians 4:6-7. Just a thought =)
Also, one day you'll look back on this and the things you've learned and the ways you've gotten closer to the Lord and your family through it and it will all be SO worth it =) Think of all the memories you're making and how many funny family stories you're storing up!
ok, that last comment was from your cousin Jessica...guess i didn't change users or whatever! oops =)
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